My first day of being officially unemployed was August 15th. I’ve never been unemployed before, so I thought I’d try to get some of those unemployment benefits that I’ve heard about my entire life. This is the short story of that brief adventure.

As with most things, my first step was to search the internet. That search quickly led me to the Georgia Department of Labor’s Unemployment Benefits website. Here I was able to read all about the wonderful bureaucratic world of unemployment benefits, how fraud is a crime, and how very little unemployment insurance actually pays out in my state (a max of $365 a week if you’re wondering).

To be fair, it’s a well organized website and I learned quite a bit pretty quickly. They have a fairly extensive FAQ which was helpful. This was also where I learned that I was likely to never see a penny.

Does severance pay have an effect on my benefits?

You are usually not eligible for unemployment insurance benefits during a period covered by severance pay paid to you by your employer. The only way to know for sure whether severance pay is disqualifying is to file a claim.

Without going into the details (cause you know… binding agreement), I did receive a severance in exchange for my agreeing to the typical expectations and covenants. But how did this apply to my eligibility for benefits? Given this statement — the only way to know for sure whether severance pay is disqualifying is to file a claim — I got about to filing right away.

Step one to filing a claim in Georgia is to verify ones identity through a third party service called ID.me. I was familiar with this service as it is a common way to prove veteran status (at least in the US) for things like discounts – especially online. While I rarely use it, it has saved me a decent amount money on a few large purchases. OK then… this should be easy.

We’re unable to verify your identity. Please try again.

OK. Very carefully this time.

We’re unable to verify your identity. Please try again.

Triple check everything.

We’re unable to verify your identity. Please try again.

Seriously?

We’re unable to verify your identity. Please try again.

The only choice I’m given is to retry. A quick search tells me that if this happens, I will eventually get an option to do some type of enhanced verification with a human over a video call. Many more attempts, but never did I see this other option.

Through more searching I learned that this is a very common problem with ID.me. There are a lot of frustrated people out there. I was now one of them. Do I really continue this process knowing I’ll likely be denied benefits anyway or should I just make a sandwich and forget the whole thing? The retarded contrarian in my head compels me to keep going. Besides, I wasn’t really hungry.

I then tried to reach ID.me customer support. That of course went nowhere fast. There is no listed phone number that I could find and using their online help option just filters you through their ridiculous bot. I was able to open a ticket though, but the bot (they named it Roy — I’m not joking) emailed me back effectively quoting their online FAQ telling me to… wait for it…

T R Y   A G A I N !

In the email, Roy also helpfully informed me that if it keeps failing, I will eventually be given the opportunity to do a video call with a Trusted Referee. Roy assured me that Trusted Referees are trained identity specialists who will verify my identity using additional documents not required when using their self-service option.

I go to add a comment to the ticket, but the ticket is disappeared. Not closed. Not on hold. Gone. The direct link no longer works and the ticket is not listed in the portal. I open another ticket with the same outcome — Roy emails me and the ticket disappears.

Wonderful. Let me TRY AGAIN.

Yeah… that didn’t work.

At this point, I decided that it was time to call Shaniqua at the Department of Labor. After being on hold for three hours, a very pleasant lady (her name was not Shanqiua) came on the line. She patiently listened to me explain my predicament and then informed me that it was not at all uncommon. My only recourse would be to visit my local DoL office.

My local DoL office was about a 30 minute drive away. I haven’t even made it past the preliminary step for what will almost certainly be a denial of my benefits. Do I really want to continue with this? A: Of course! I am retarded.

I arrived at a nearly empty DoL office in which the workers outnumbered the customers. Aside from the obese rent-a-cop at the front, I was the only white person in the place. I took a number and waited. After a few minutes I was called to the front. I explained my situation, but they weren’t sure how they could help me. I told them that I am here, this is my body and my face attached to it, these are my multiple forms of identification, and I even have a utility bill that proves where I live. Can you not verify my identity? A: No. You need to go through ID.me.

At this point, another lady emerged from the back and had me follow her to a PC in the corner of the room. She had me go through the entire ID.me process again. I did this multiple times with her looking over my shoulder. She asked me ridiculous things like “Are you sure you spelled your name correctly?” and “Is that really your birthday?” After the 4th try, she thought it best to get her manager.

Mr. Manager was a very overweight black man with unkempt hair and attire that screamed useless bureaucratic cog. He clearly didn’t want to deal with this situation. He listened to the story as relayed by over-the-shoulder lady and immediately disappeared to the back. After 20 minutes or so I was told that ID.me tech support would call me on my mobile shortly. Hallelujah!

Fifteen minutes go by. No call. Thirty minutes. Still no call. Over-the-shoulder lady is eyeballing me. She knows I’m getting upset. Out of boredom I check my email. In my inbox is a messgae from Dewayne of ID.me Member Support. It arrived nearly 30 minutes prior.

Looking into your ID.me account, I see you encountered a mismatch error message. The issue was that the birthdate on your ID.me account did not match the date of birth you were entering for verification. But do not worry! We have corrected the birthdate, and you can now verify your identity. With that being said, please reattempt the verification process.

That was it. No explanation as to how it was incorrect, if or when it was changed, why it was changed, etc. Fine. So I tried again on the corner PC.

Congratulations. Your identity has been verified.

Success. Although I didn’t feel successful. Over-the-shoulder lady took me to a bank of PCs in the middle of the room. I could now submit my claim for unemployment benefits. I completed everything in about 15 minutes. As I was leaving, I was told that I should hear something back in a few days.

On the drive home, I pondered my future as just another sucker on the dole.

The next day I received notice from the DoL of two determinations.

1. My work and salary history qualified me for the maximum amount of $365 a week for 14 weeks.

2. My claim for unemployment was denied and that more info will be forthcoming.

I should’ve just made that damn sandwich.

DISCUSS ON SG | DISCUSS ON GAB

On June 14th, I had a regularly scheduled one-to-one with my boss. I clicked on the Teams link to enter the meeting and was greeted not by the sole visage of my boss, but by my boss and what was clearly HR Lady. I immediately blurted out, “Huh. I’m being laid off.” This fazed neither of them. It was as if I had said nothing. The remainder of what was a very short meeting was effectively Clown World NPC mode. They read their respective scripts, I listened, and then they virtually showed me the door.

I’ve never been laid off before (I don’t count the time cancel culture came for my head). I’ve survived multiple rounds of layoffs over the years because, even in this mockery of a meritocracy, I’ve always been one of those guys that you just don’t lay off. It seems the expansion of Clown World into all facets of life had finally caught up with me.

After taking a few weeks off to deal with a busy personal life and to contemplate my future, I started working on things — fun things, annoying things, things that just needed to be done. I might write about some of that. But I also started looking for a job. It’s been a few weeks now. I’ve applied for well over a dozen jobs and have reached out to many friends and contacts, but I’ve not yet received a single hit of interest from any quarter. Not a phone call. Not an email. Nothing.

I know that finding a new job can take a while — especially one similar to the mid-level exec roles I’ve been in over the past 15+ years (director/VP) — but something feels very odd about this experience so far. Perhaps it’s the fake economy acting retarded. Perhaps it’s just a lull. Or perhaps it’s something else I can’t yet define. Whatever it is, I’ve decided to blog about it.

So… I plan to write about my experience as an unemployed, Christian, white, male, heritage American trying to find a new job in Clown World 2023. I don’t know how often I’ll write about this, but I will write as my experiences warrant it. I have a feeling this is going to be bumpy ride.

DISCUSS ON SG | DISCUSS ON GAB